The 5 Worst Potato Chips

  1. Ketchup

Ketchup chips are revolting. I get that ketchup and potatoes go together, but whatever vile tomato inspired concoction they put on these chips is a crime against nature. I love potato chips and can eat pretty much any chip if I have to in order to be polite, but I draw the line at ketchup. I’m not a judgemental person by nature but I instantly form strong opinions about a person’s taste and judgement if I find out they like ketchup chips. If I was invited to dinner party hosted by a lover of ketchup chips I would fake sick and cancel.

  1. All Dressed

The enormous popularity of all dressed chips is baffling to me. Based on their prominence on every chip rack in the country there must be all kinds of people who like them, but for the life of me I can’t understand why. The best potato chip flavours are those that naturally pair well with the taste of potato. Roast chicken would be an example of this. Even though I hate ketchup chips, I at least understand what its creators were trying to do. With all dressed it seems like the chip company just gathers up whatever leftover spices and flavours they have lying around and throw them all together. The chip is an incoherent mess.

  1. Salt and Vinegar

I get why some people like this chip. People put salt and vinegar on potatoes so it makes sense to try it on a chip, and unlike ketchup, you can make these chips without a lot of mysterious alchemy; just coat some chips in salt and vinegar. Though vinegar works well with the thick cut French fries, it tends to overwhelm the lighter potato chip and can leave you with a terrible aftertaste, particularly if you eat a bunch of them. The problem is that these chips taste just good enough that you will find yourself snacking on them at a party only to regret it afterwards when you have that vinegary aftertaste in your mouth. There are also few more unpleasant culinary experiences than biting into a chip that you believe to be regular only to find out it is salt and vinegar.

  1. Bar-Be-Que

Is there a sadder flavour of chips than bar-be-que? Though nobody wretches at the thought, there isn’t a person on earth for whom this is their favourite chip. How did this chip get made in the first place? It’s not like people were in the habit of putting bar-be-que sauce on potatoes. Bar-be-que chips are the physical embodiment of mediocracy. They should be the official chip of the St. Louis Blues.

  1. Reduced Salt

Is there anything more disappointing and joyless than eating a reduced salt potato chip? You get all the calories and fat without any of the taste. If I’m looking to eat healthy at a social gathering I’ll just have a strawberry or a carrot. Potato chips are meant to be an indulgence and trying to make them anything other than that just ends up in a depressing lose-lose situation for everyone involved.

Storms Turn Newfoundlanders into Zombies, not Hoarders.

Whenever a storm is on the way in Newfoundland everyone takes the empty shelves and long line-ups at grocery stores as evidence that Newfoundlanders, particularly those in the St. John’s area, overreact to coming inclement weather by stocking up on enough food to survive being snowed in for weeks. The truth though is that is not actually the case. The longer line-ups before storms is not due to irrational hoarding, it is just a matter of everyone who needs to get groceries in the next day or two going to the grocery store because they may not be able to get out of their driveway the next day. If you combine two days of grocery store volume into one you will end up with a very crowded grocery store. Though storms don’t turn Newfoundlanders into hoarders, they do turn them into zombies.

Since I knew I wouldn’t be leaving the house tomorrow, I stopped into the grocery store today to pick up a few things for the weekend. The place was busy, but not overrun with people by any means. The people who were there, however, almost to a person, were all scuffling along in a slow, almost ominous gait.

Normally at the grocery store, most people look like they have somewhere to go after their grocery shopping; they are pushing their carts, around, grabbing items decisively, and scratching items off their lists. Today, as with every time there is an approaching storm, everyone seemed confused. Some were just standing there, staring confusedly at items, unable to process whether to buy three yoghurts to get the multi-savings or just get the one package. Those who were moving were doing so only barely, as if they were unsure exactly why they were in the store or what they were supposed to be doing, but just knew that they weren’t supposed to be standing still. So they moved. Barely.

Multiple times I had to squeeze past a logjam of people with shopping carts pushed by people who weren’t taking anything off the shelves. I excused myself but none of them seemed to notice my presence, even though I was passing inches in front of their faces. I’m not sure if they noticed any of the items in the store. I can only assume that 15 minutes before closing the store staff took all these people by the elbow and lead them to the checkout.

I’m not sure why storms have this effect on people, but I suspect it may have something to do with people going to the grocery store before they were planning to and not preparing a grocery list. I cook a lot and am in a grocery store pretty much every day or two and people generally seem like normal human beings when I’m there, but whenever a storm is on the way easily two thirds of everyone in the store start acting like zombies.