Store Bought Frozen Meatballs are the Perfect Way to Let Your Holiday Guests Know How Little You Think of Them

If you really can’t stand whichever friends or family members you are entertaining over the holiday season and want to express your disdain for them without creating an awkward scene, all you need to do is go to your local grocery store and buy a box of frozen meatballs to serve them. It doesn’t matter which meatballs you choose. Swedish meatballs, home style, pub style, whatever box you pick will clearly and succinctly communicate the lack of esteem in which you hold them.

Like 90% of the human population I love meatballs and have tried many different types of store bought frozen meatballs, every one of which was an abomination. I’ve enjoyed many frozen food section appetizers in my day; chicken wings, mozza sticks, sausage rolls, chicken fingers. I probably wouldn’t break them out for an anniversary dinner, but they were good enough for a casual evening having a few drinks with friends. I feel like every person who makes frozen meatballs is a lonely and hateful person who resents anyone with a circle of friends and an active social life.

I have never tasted a store bought meatball that tasted like ground beef was the primary ingredient. Without fail, every single one has been a rubbery mass of a vaguely meat flavoured gelatin substance. If you take a store bought frozen meatball out and leave it out on your counter for a few hours, you can squeeze it as hard as you like and it won’t break apart. They do not in any way resemble the standard homemade meatball, which has meat as the primary ingredient.

Homemade meatballs are not that difficult nor very expensive to make, you just need to get your hands a little dirty. All you need to do is mix together some lean ground beef with an egg, bread crumbs or oatmeal, and whatever herbs you feel like adding in and then baking them for a half hour to 45 minutes  and you’re done. If you are having people over whose friendship you value, who have done favours for you in the past, and who could count on in times of need, you should not think twice about getting your hands dirty for a few minutes.

It is one of the facts of life that you will frequently have guests at your house, particularly during the holidays, whom you really don’t like and don’t want to encourage to accept the next invitation that you unwillingly extend. Those are the times when you want to break out the box of frozen meatballs. For $12.99 you can let someone know how little you think of them and significantly lower the odds of them ever accepting an invitation again.